Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I realize that it is the end of the day and if I'm going to bitch about a day, I should just do it at the beginning so that the rest of the day (using today as an example) I can say "screw Tuesday" (of course saying fuck instead of screw...but my father might read this and then...oh hell...). The day started off bad when I woke up late for work. I hate when I do that. I hate it because when I wake up late for work, it takes me a good ten minutes to figure out just what is a little odd at the moment and then finally I realize the "odd" is the fact that it's ten after 8 and I'm supposed to be settling in at my desk right now, chugging my Starbucks and wishing I was back in bed. So I knew it was going to be a bad day. Stupid Tuesday. I'm not sure what happened but I was quite tired. Rachel called and we carried on for a while about our stresses and frustrations. I thought on my way home that my exhaustion must just be a culmination of a busy weekend and being knocked out of my routine. But it became more. Much more. The thoughts tend to snowball and the anxiety sets in. I've gotten better at predicting when it's going to happen and I know to sit still and try to stop myself from spiraling into a full blown attack...but today I just couldn't do it. The work I'm behind on, the boss I can't seem to communicate with, the friends that sometimes make friendship more work than fun, the trip up to Lansing I have to make to say goodbye to a friend I haven't been a very good friend to lately, my best friend's second wedding....I know they are all such minute things to deal with compared to just about everything else dealt with by anyone else in the world...but today they just seemed so big. I always forget that life goes on whether or not your ready. When you think things will calm down and you can regroup, something always happens. From little things (an unexpected guest) to bigger things (pregnancies, weddings, death). There's always something. Sometimes I just get so sick of all the somethings, I would kill for a little nothing.