Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Uncategorizable...

The other day I was thinking... My little brother is in college, where I'm sure one day they'll have his name on a plaque in a frat house somewhere... I never really could see myself in that sort of college situation. I like the setup I've got going. I like going once or twice a week, treating classes like a second job. Going to get the work done and then going home. My older brother never did the college thing either. He goes, but he does the work/military/college thing. Anyway, I spoke to him the other day on the phone. He told me a story about being out at a bar and running into a lower ranking Air Force guy and how he reacted to my brother - being that he is a higher rank. Just listening to him, I could hear that sense of "belonging" in his voice. Belonging to the base and military life. I felt this urge to figure out my place... I got made fun of in middle school...a lot. It wasn't easy coming from a private school, not knowing anyone. The first thing I noticed was that there were inevitable categories that kids were thrown into. The popular kids, the cheerleaders, the sports-minded fellows, etc. etc. etc. But then there are those who don't quite fit into any category - and therefore are teased by all. That was me. The funny thing is, that I can remember all through middle school and high school...being able to see different sides of each category. Like each person was a prism with thousands of sides all emitting a different color of light. Sure, the popular kids were beautiful, handsome, flanked by friends and charming...but they also lacked in something...something that you could see in the art kids. Then of course, the art kids lacked in the machismo of the sports-minded fellows - and the sports-minded gals always lacked in something that could be seen - overwhelmingly - in the cheerleaders. Give and take, give and take. Little bits of personalities sprinkled all over a proverbial sundae. I notice the categories continue in life. Even in the simplest of terms. Surfing blogs, you see so many dedicated to relationships, work, family, children etc. etc. etc. One little idea in life - defining so many people. Even if there is more - they can't show it to you. They just don't know how. It takes a lot to be an outsider. You can belong only so much to one group. You gain beautiful, wonderful friends...but there is always a piece of you that is not shared. Because it belongs somewhere else. To someone else. To another part of the story. I am learning to love that I am uncategorizable. I'm moving towards one-ness with it. That the idea of being a wife scares me - only because I don't want to be titled. That words like 'daughter', 'friend', 'writer' & 'mother' carry a distinct weight of possibility in them for me. I like that I really can't say whether I'm a partier, or a workaholic, or a perfectionist. I am...and I ain't. I guess it just depends. So when I think about where it is that I would belong...a classroom, a newsroom, the field...it's sort of comforting to know that...unlike so many others - I can belong - in my own little way - to it all. Oh - and to the kid in 7th grade, who said he couldn't tell if I was a girl or a boy (wore baggy clothes, dark hair in front of face, homely - think Ally Sheedy in Breakfast Club), the D-cups should clear that up.

8 comments:

bags15 said...

I would kick that boys ass today! He probably was one of the many that didn't make it past the 10th grade.

I had something mean typed in about the cheerleader comment but I decided against it.

Jessica said...

Why, Miss "Bags"...

You weren't a cheerleader...were you? :)

bags15 said...

Ha ha...far from it. So, what does that say about me? ;)

Jessica said...

Hrm...well I'd say that you may have been too busy for school spirit but I distinctly remember you displaying some face-paint artwork come Winter-Fest time. That's okay though, the only thing you lacked in was the pretentiousness of the popular kids and the facial hair of the sports-minded gals. All in all I'd say you were set. That's why I'm friends with you ;)

bags15 said...

Haha..Well thank you! And I would still kick that guys ass!

Jessica said...

Yeah, you should have seen the kid...he was lanky. I could have taken him. :)

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