Monday, December 05, 2005

For Friends Like These...

There are times when I feel anything is possible. During those times, I let songs melt into moments I thought I'd forgotten about & think about the ghosts of a lightly peppered past. There are times when I'm warmer than winter's frigid air. During those times, I let candlelight defy nightfall, enjoy the company of friends & don't worry. I'll entertain the idea that characters on television are real people we just haven't met yet. I believe in happy endings. Also during these times I get a clearer perspective on the bad times. And who I am in them. I can spend days hiding in my own confined space. I am needy. I am insecure. I am cold. I push anyone and everyone away. This past week, I did just that. I pushed away some and ruthlessly put others through frustration while they desperately tried to deal with my own neurosis. And then... It was so easy to talk to you. Even though I had kept myself from you because I was ashamed. Because I'm embarrassed of my situation. You listened to me the way you always have. You spoke in that tone that is so comfortably motherly. Sometimes I just want to rush over to your house and sit opposite you on the couch, a cup of hot chocolate in hand - and remember all the conversations we've had over the last ten years. And then... You bust up the rules that you should only be friends with one and not the other. You talk to me on an uncomplicated, no-nonsense level. You remind me that friendship is a collaborative effort. You are the definition of good people. And then... Even in the wee hours of the morning, after serving drinks, smoking an entire pack of cigarettes and finding some sort of fluid in my car, you're willing to let me be a quirky, needy, insecure mess. You let me be honest even when it means being less than perfect. Less than secure. Less than stable. You put up with me. You let me fall apart - and are there the next day, fighting over whose holiday has better songs. And then... You don't know that the state I'm in means a simple running of errands can be something so difficult. Yet as we drive off to do nothing special, the familiarity is as beautiful as the scenery outside the window. The conversation is simple. The delicious. And later, the company is needed. And then... The moments of peace come. And I think anything is possible. And even though at times those moments can be fleeting...they wouldn't even be possible - if not for y'all.

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