Monday, April 03, 2006


Quite frequently I have moments of...nostalgia. I'm reminded of a time. A smell can bring me back to a certain place, a song will bring back an old, familiar feeling... Sometimes I'll quickly try to shake it off - especially if it's centered around embarrassment, awkwardness or pain. Just the word Tequila reminds me of an awkward kiss. Sometimes ice cream can remind me of awkward discussions in therapy regarding issues with my father and my perception of my own weight. But other times, I'll just sit back and revel in the feeling. This morning, as soon as I woke up I was hit with memories of late Spring and early Summer. It could have been the moisture in the air. Or maybe the weakness of my own body trying to recover from sickness...the same weakness I'd have after a hot, stuffy afternoon riding my pink bike - complete with banana seat - or playing football with my brother and his friends. Either way there it moment of nostalgia. I curled up on my chaise lounge, wrapped myself in my blue wool blanket and indulged in memories of peering outside a screen door at thick thunderstorms...the sky turning green, then black. The sound of the rush of the rain from sky to ground. I could feel the change in the air from harsh and dry to moist...sweet with rain and lilac and cut grass. At this time of year in the Midwest, you can stay in your house for days without opening a single window or door and still find box elder bugs crawling in the folds of the curtains. Storm fronts bring winds that beat against the outside of the house and make whistling noises - perfect for scaring kids huddled around lit candles while the electricity is out. I was visited with memories of baking chocolate chip cookies for the 4-H fair in the deserted home-ec room in middle school... Even further back, I can remember the smell of an empty gym/cafeteria/auditorium at the Hebrew Day mother closing the kitchen for the summer. It smelled of mop water and stale air. During those days I'd bang my fingers against the keys of an old piano just near the room's stage and the sounds echoed and sounded like music - though it was really just noise. When I have children, I'll be able to tell them that there was a time when hide 'n seek could be played at night - with a four block perimeter - and no fear of abduction. Parents didn't have to worry about being turned in to Social Services for giving their kids the drips from their beer bottle at 4th of July cookouts. While my air conditioner hummed its way to a stable 67 degrees, I curled up tighter beneath my blanket and relished another moment of nostalgia...wishing it would never end.