Thursday, May 11, 2006
It's Not You, It's Me
It's not you. It's me. I'm needy. I have an abandonment complex. I anticipate being left. It's not you. It's me. I'm alone even in the company of friends. I don't know what it's like to be anything different. A good friend is a friend that should be turned away - because I might ruin them. I ruin things. It's not you. It's me. It's my brain. It's my sense of awareness. I am aware of possibilities. In words, in feelings and in actions. It makes me insane. It comes out in my actions and my words and my feelings towards you. It makes a mess. It's not you. It's me. And it's about enough. I'd like to calm down. To feel my feet on the ground again. To not need you so much. But I can't and I don't and I do. I need people to notice me. Yet I can't tell when I'm being noticed. I need people to love me and can't feel anything when they do. John Donne said, "No man is an island entire of itself..." but that doesn't mean the man doesn't think it so.