Thursday, August 17, 2006

close to the dizzy

About a week and a half ago, I went dizzy at my desk.

Not like a light headed, not enough to eat all day dizzy, or an oh shit bring on the cramps dizzy - but the weird kind of dizzy.

It was a sign.

My body and mind are both tired and weak. Since the dizzy, I go to sleep miles past exhausted and wake up hours before I'm ready. Right now, my body wants to pass out. It wants to sleep for 48 hours straight and then wake me up with a cold shower, feed me some Kashi-7-whole-grains-on-a-mission cereal and throw me into the gym. It wants to lose the weight of gained and tone the muscle and then lay back in a tanning bed on alternate days until I'm a toasty almond - worthy of a visit to Arizona.

But I am not listening to my body.

My mind really wants to kick my ass. It is so cluttered with worries and lists and things I have and want to do and just about everything in between.

I could go into how my job is more stress than a comfortable paycheck. I could go into how school is starting soon which means a class load on top of two freelance jobs and a full time night job. I could go into how it's all my fault anyway. I could go into how writing is not easy when you have no one to help show you the ropes. And that itself is a sick joke.

I could. But I think that would be too close to dizzy.

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