sugar & spite

That's what girls are made of.

It's also the title of the Unkle Bob CD I was able to find this weekend, which is kick ass and delicious on all levels - but back to the subject at hand...

I have a hard time with girls. Which might sound strange. Considering I am one. But I grew up with two boys. And a father who wanted me to be a boy.

So I can't handle a room full of girls fighting over curling irons and eye makeup and lip gloss and body lotion. Giggles hurt my ears. I don't think it's really bonding to walk around half naked commenting on bras and underwear while you're trying to keep the curling iron straight - or the straightener straight - or whatever.

My two best friends know that I find waxing relaxing, feel like Tom Selleck if I go too long without, like to make sure I smell good at all times and know absolutely nothing about makeup or hair.

Other than that, I like privacy when I shower. I can't sit in a bathroom if there are four girls gathered outside the door - unless I'm drunk. Then all I need is one in there with me to make sure nobody comes in and somehow I muster up the guts to go in someone else's presence. But who doesn't really.

I wandered through the bright aisles of Sephora, the stark bright fluorescent white against lacquered black. Rows and rows of sweet, lovely Philosophy products that I wanted to pack up into several plastic bags and take home. And rows and rows of makeup I didn't know the first thing about. I wondered to myself if I could ever be that kind of girl.

When I think about it - I imagine myself sitting on a floor surrounded by text books, how-to guides and instructional videos. How to be a girl.

Aside from the exterior ritual - I'm pretty much as girly as they come. I believe in romance and commitment and letting boys be boys. They don't need to remember birthdays or anniversaries as long as they make up for it later. They don't have to be sensitive at all times. They're supposed to fix stuff and watch sports and think they're smarter when they're insecure and I'm fine with that because I know better. Different than me. That's what I want a boy to be. And I didn't intend to rhyme.

But back to the curlers...

In the bathroom, where the girls are, curling and powdering and eye-linering, they judge each other's beauty, rate each other's boyfriends and become spiteful towards each other - without saying a word. That is why I have always had a hard time with girls. They get jealous of each other, get moody with each other and get condescending towards each other - then plaster on a smile and imagine everything must be alright in the end. "Fake at the seams", as Unkle Bob would say.

So I cherish little girls like Madison and Alexa, while they're little. Find joy in the innocent and good girls like Noelle and Carmen and find comfort in girls who are sweeter and sans spite - like Rachel & Kim. Because those are the kinds of girls who grow into women and become the best of friends - and help you out with those crazy boys - when you need it the most.