unhealthy

I have an unhealthy relationship with my bed.

I can't seem to wake up out of my bed when I want to. Therefore, when I must get up and function relatively early, to make phone calls for interviews, go on location for interviews, go to class etc. etc. etc. - I sleep on the floor.

But this weekend my bed and I reconciled. Three nights in a row. And now I can't seem to pull myself away from my bed. My bed is tricky like that. It sweet talks me with promises of pillows and comforters and space to stretch - and then quickly turns posessive. Not wanting to let me go.

Frankly, it's unhealthy.

This morning, I woke up to a strange feeling. Daylight Savings Time went into effect and the sun was spilling into my bedroom. It was quiet and the day had already started - which always makes me uneasy. I could remember two years ago, I didn't want to leave my bed. I was unemployed. So I didn't have to. And I didn't want to. Rachel would try to talk me out of bed over the phone, threatening to come over if I didn't at least get up and make some coffee. I felt too heavy to move. Eventually she'd get me up. I'd move to the living room and sit.

When I went out this afternoon, the air was sweet and warm and thickly reminiscent. I thought of getting off work just as the sun started to set. Meeting friends at the bar and the taste of ice cold beer by six. There was still evidence of sun when I'd make my way back to my apartment, shower and lay my homework out on the floor. My apartment would always be busy, whether I lived above a friend's house or with my best friend. There would always be visitors to populate the evening. Now things are quieter. People are busier. I don't keep beer in the fridge anymore.

Last night, after a movie marathon that included 'Babel', 'Stranger Than Fiction', 'Little Miss Sunshine' and 'Half Nelson', I ran my videos back to the video store. It was 11 o'clock on Sunday night and the town was desolate. I was already in the beginning stages of my Sunday night anxiety attack. Thinking about everything to come in the week sets it off. Then I realized, I don't know if I like a quiet town. That's the draw of the city. Noise at 2 a.m. It settles me. To know things are going on.

If I took a lot of time to think about it all - which I usually do - but need to stop myself from doing right now...I would most likely determine that it's all relatively unhealthy.