Everything seems so different now. And I know they always end up that way - but it never changes that I never want them to. Seeing you sometimes makes me feel alone. Because I remember what it felt like...being around you. And I can't really shake that maybe we weren't equally present in everything as I thought we were then...but a few seconds later and my mind is telling me that it doesn't matter. It doesn't make you miss something any less.
Today, as I write this, I am exhausted. My legs and back are stiff and ache with sleeping for nights on end on the love seat. I haven't tanned in weeks and I feel pale. I haven't exercised in weeks either and I feel like...an unmovable thing. My mind is desperately trying to keep up with everything else, deadlines, stories, notes, homework. It fails from time to time...forgetting things. Like my homework today - for that matter.
And while - if I have to be plagued with thoughts - I'd rather be plagued with thoughts of whether or not to stop working so much and start writing more...I'm finding myself frustrated that everything is different.
Or is it?