Sunday, November 13, 2005
Hurts Like Hell
I really should be doing homework right now. Really. But for some reason I can't bring myself to do it. Today was a bad day, I hate to admit. But it was. It was one of those where tears come on like waves and issues pop out of the darkest corners of the mind and by the end of it all you're just so completely drained you don't even want to move. I made a stab at my homework. Diving into my Middle Eastern Culture text thinking I would kick chapter 6's ass and then get right into my reflection paper and the journalism chapters I'm behind on. Chapter 6 was the devil. It took forever to read. I even read aloud, because it goes faster when I do that. It still took forever. My throat is dry. Once that was done, I took a break. Had to do it. Grey's Anatomy was on. But it's going downhill again now. I don't want to do my homework because when I get done, I'll have to go to bed. And going to bed just means that I'll have to get up tomorrow. And I don't want to get up tomorrow because I'll have to face all the things I didn't do today. And I try to keep telling myself the words that a fellow blogger wrote me once that seemed to hit me somewhere... "it's not you, it's the time and the place". But the words aren't working. And I wonder if anybody is out there. If anyone reads this anymore...or if they've all gotten sick of my sickness and wandered off to other, more interesting parts of the world... So today, while I was in the shower, the hot water jogged something loose. The tears came on so strong that it actually shook me and I had to get out and sit down. And they kept coming. And I kept shaking. They just wouldn't stop. I wouldn't stop. Rachel said something to me the other night about pain. Something about how she wishes I didn't have so much of it. I guess I never really realized it as pain before. But now that I have...it hurts like hell.