Monday, February 13, 2006
Dear God - This Parachute is a Knapsack!
It's no longer unusual for me to wake up in an intense panic. Everyday I wake up feeling as though I'm in the middle of a free fall...and having just stepped out of the airplane I suddenly can't find my parachute. I have only a few minutes to figure out what to do before I hit the ground. That's my day. Today I feel so panicked that I'm writing just to try and get the idea of being panicked out of my mind...so I can figure out what I need to do. So I can make appointments. So I can talk to people. So I can do something. My brain has been full all weekend and it's getting fuller by the minute. On Thursday I start a new job - and I'm nervous. Nervous is the nice way of describing my feelings towards this new job. While I know there's a normal amount of nervousness that always comes with change, that fact alone does not comfort me one bit. I want to not do anything right now. I want to not start this job, not worry about my future, not be responsible for any of my responsibilities and go right back to sleep for a very long time. When you've spent so much time out of life....how do you jump back in?