Thursday, October 19, 2006

i know that

Today started out as a really shitty day. And I don't know why.

My face was all contorted on my way into was my angry face. I was driving angry. I asked myself how these people can drive so slow. They must have nothing to do during the day that they can turn every road I have to be on to get to school into a scenic route. Bastards.

I've about had it with school and not learning anything in it. My American Lit prof. never says anything with a point. Morons with undeveloped worthless opinions are treated like Einsteins of the future.

In Screenwriting we're to write a full length dramatic feature. I've been dancing with ideas, but the idea has danced me. I think about it everyday, without writing an actual word - 1st Act, 2nd Act, final. The characters are almost all fleshed out. Planning and creating this story settles me. Happys me when I'm not happy. I think it could actually be good. I'm scared I'll fcuk it up...and it will be awful...but I'm letting the story lead and taking it slow. The process has been so much fun. Set in New York, it means I get to research all my favorite places, like the Morgan Mansion/Library and Pier 17 and Central Park. I get to go there and walk up and down the streets in my memory...

I've decided to start studying photography...I settled with the idea for three reasons. 1. I take horrible pictures, 2. I just bought a digital camera and don't want to waste it, 3. It occurred to me the definition of photography - mine anyway. It's about position. You get into the right position to give you an accurate picture of what you're seeing. To do this, you can't care about who's watching you, where you are. To catch the beauty you have to put yourself in front of it. I crave inhibition.

So on the way home from my shitty day, I watched Michigan's fabulous fall trees pass by me. It made me think of leaves and fall and bonfires. And I grew excited for my brother's wedding in AZ in Nov. I can't wait to go to the Monastery, sit around a fire and take pictures of us drinking beer and being together.

Tonight at work, I make a comment that I need to move...I go out on the docks and read more of Downtown: My Manhattan. Hamill knows Manhattan. The being and history of it all. I want to know too. I know this place, this town. I know its smells and touches and tastes. I love it and I know it.

"I can go now. Everybody's okay now," I tell my coworkers when one suggests I'll never move. "My mom's got love, my grandmother is okay, my little brother is settled, my friends have people to love and take care of them..."

To quote the movies: I don't know much but I know that.

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