Thursday, November 02, 2006

worst kind of sick

The first clue was that I could barely make it to the shower this morning.

The second clue was the fact that I suddenly couldn't breathe through the right side of my head.

Then there was the delirium. The fact that yesterday I was contemplating quitting school - and today I was contemplating adding another course to my load.

"I'm sick Mommy," I said.

Four days of virtually no sleep, a severe lack of liquids and a poor diet ran me right into my wall and now I am sickly. Half my head works just fine while the other half is full of something I'd rather not get to know too well. It's not a virus sick or a flu sick. It's the worst kind of sick.

It's that sick when you're just exhausted, overtired and drained of every emotion, every bit of energy or brain power. You can barely make decisions or feel anything. Yesterday would have been the perfect day for a good cry...but I could barely squeeze out a tear. Today I wanted to be angry and bitter...but I was way too tired.

I've dozed a few times at my desk already.

I have absolutely no time for this. Being that I fly out to Arizona next Thursday for a 4 day hot shot visit and my brother's wedding - I have lots to do. I have a 15 page movie treatment to write, clothes to buy (because apparently my brothers new in-laws have a thing against jeans), a hair cut to get, luggage to find, 100 pages to read, an extra credit project, classes to register for, laundry to do and I'm sure there are a few more things to that list. I have no time to be sick.

When I was little and sick, my mom left me with my grandma while she went to work. I stayed in my pajamas all day and sipped on tea and sprite and ate cinnamon toast if it was a cold - plain toast if it was the flu. My grandma would play board games with me until she felt I needed a nap and I would tell myself I didn't need one - so I'd just fake it. Until I actually fell asleep.

The worst kind of sick makes everything a little bit harder to handle...and it was all bad enough as it was.

I want my mommy.

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