Thursday, October 25, 2007

work it out

If I could do anything today - besides sleep more than four hours - I would seclude myself in a gym for the entire day.

I'd skip classes and call in sick to work, pack a bag and a bottle of water and turn off my phone.

I'd slip the earbuds into my ears and just press play, moving between various machines, the track and back again. I'd be doing this as the sun sank slowly behind the crowded university parking lot. And I wouldn't care about my phone being off, classes missed, or work left to be done by someone else.

I'd work my arms until I felt I couldn't lift them anymore. My legs, until they trembled. My abdomen until it hurt to breathe in.

In my exhaustion, I feel utterly unhealthy. Mind. Body. Soul. I want to flush out my system with a case of spring water. I want to find a Whole Foods and raid it for whole grain, brown rice, vegetables, fruits and anything else I can find listed in a health magazine. I want to wake before the sun and be walking as a dark sky turns to dawn. I want to clean my apartment until it magically becomes another apartment altogether. In another building, another town, another life. I want coffee only if it's sitting on the corner of my desk, where I am seated. Writing.

Exercise for the body. Exercise for the mind.

I want someone to handle my moods. Handle. I think people ignore the charm of that quality in relationships. Someone who can. handle. you. Manage your moods, your ups your downs. Throw you on a stationary bike if you're getting too down. Too sorry for yourself. Make your decisions for you. Just for a day or two. I would cash in that check. Let someone else decide for me that maybe going in to work today is just not what I need to do.

I would seclude myself in a gym. Learn Yoga. Bend. Breathe. Work it out until its gone. Like a charlie horse.

Work it all out.

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