Thursday, September 01, 2005
"I seem to be having a little crisis trying to figure out who I am lately," I say to Rachel. "If you haven't noticed." "A little..." she says. Your twenties are supposed to be the years when you're trying to figure out who you are. Apparently as you move through your thirties, forties, fifties and beyond you become more solid in that premise, but the foundation is supposed to be constructed in your twenties. At least, that's what I hear. I'm still trying to figure it out. Every day I'm trying to list out in my head certain things. And I mean 'certain' things. Things of which I can be certain. The list...is really not impressive. I question constantly. This morning I have an overwhelming feeling of displacement. And actually, a disconnect with my own thoughts. "I wish I could be happy in this quietness..." says Nicole Kidman in The Hours. As do I. I wish for just a moment I could be happy here, living in this town with my friends with a job and every day ahead of me. But there is a momentum missing. I think that I have just figured that out. Momentum is missing. Well then...I guess that's a start.