Goodnight My Certain-body...

Last night I went to bed achey. All of me ached for a certain...body. A certain body to take up the empty space in bed next to me. I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't get warm. There have been times when I've come home late at night, the smell of bar and alcohol and cigarettes stuck to my clothes, shed them for pajamas and slipped into bed wishing for a body to be there simply so I could recount my day to it whether or not it was even listening. But this ache was different. Because it wasn't just an ache for somebody or anybody...but a certain body. Maybe it's just because the air has gotten colder. And I find myself craving tomato soup with rice and grilled cheese sandwiches. I'm lighting all my candles and flavoring my coffee with vanilla and pumpkin pie spice. Maybe it's because I don't own a good sweater this fall...the kind that's big and soft and comfy over a white t-shirt. The kind you live in from October to February. Then again maybe it's not. Maybe it's because these months are all about family and friends and things in multiples. And it would be nice to jump out of bed with someone when the call comes through that Kim & Mike are on their way to the hospital. Nice to peer through the glass as Madison gets used to the world. When you find yourself wishing for a certain body...it's hard to figure out why you're doing it. Is it a result of the elements or a result of the body itself. Is it because of other things...or because of that person...it's hard to know. I hope I don't ache for it tonight, though. Because everything felt a little bigger and a little emptier last night. The apartment, the bedroom... Me. And quite frankly...I could do without that feeling.