Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Drugs, sex or alcohol - everyone has their vices. Everyone has something they simply must indulge themselves in. Mine is resentment. Hey some people have chocolate... I tend to allow myself to get angry easily...even hold grudges. I know that the anger and the grudges are uncalled for. Especially when aimed at friends. So I just do it in my brain. Allow myself to get hurt and angry and frustrated and wait it out... I try not to treat people badly because of it... lash out at them or hold myself back from them. I'm like an alcoholic who just drinks alone in the house and never sets foot out the door. Not putting anyone on the road in danger - but doing damage just the same. That's the thing about vices. You can keep it in - but odds are - it's still hurting someone, that someone is most likely you. I've spent the last couple of days pent up in my apartment with nothing but resentment and frustration. And I can feel it lingering like a bout of binge eating. I wish...I wish...I wish.. I wish I could revel in other people's vices for a change. I want to drive myself to a bar I've never been to before - and drink myself so stupid that I don't remember my own name. I want to have lots and lots of sex. For no reason at all. Just to have it. I want to gorge myself on rich French food. If only there was a French restaraunt in Michigan. I want to smoke a pack of cigarettes. I wanna go on a shopping spree until my bank account chokes on itself. When it comes to vices...the grass is always greener...but the stains are always the same.